[Pigging by Wilfrid: June 28, 2011]
Time Out's annual Cheap Eats survey went above and beyond this year. It has always been a reliable source of gaffs when it comes to misleading price estimates and unhelpful tips.
Can I split it? (Yes, you can...)
This year it really jumped the shark. It may be the single worst food feature I've ever read in a New York magazine. Really.
The first segment drove me crazy enough that I ranted on Mouthfuls about it, threw the magazine at the wall, and avoided the rest of the article for several days. The worst offence here was listing random small plate venues (Traif) or anywhere with an appetizer under $15 (Brooklyn Star). Filling up didn't come into it. The final insult was suggesting we gorge ourselves on a plate of almonds at Red Rooster. Nine bucks!
Wise heads told me this was the worst of it. If only. Eventually I read on and I bear the scars.
True, the dating section wasn't grossly out of line as far as food and prices was concerned. Whether you feel like cozying up to a new acquaintance in a basement izakaya full of "Japanese businessmen draining pitchers" is up to you. I've never thought of La Bonne Soupe as a poor man's One If By Land, but what do I know? Moving on...
The next horror show is the set of recommendations for group and party dinners. Get that? Groups and parties. More than one person, I'd say. Arguably more than two. So how's about The Commodore, that trendy Billyburg bar and grill? Anything on the menu for groups and parties there?
Nope. Not a thing.
But several people can occupy the space while ordering dishes from the regular menu. Some of which are cheap. Fail.
Shanghai Tide, then? Unlimited food and two hours of free Bud-chugging. Now that would be fun to do with a group (if at all). Do you need to be in a group? No. This is all-you-can-eat with beer. That's different from an affordable dinner for a party. Party alone.
Perhaps I am being pedantic. Perhaps you are not impressed by the unarguable assertion that Loreley seats eighty in its garden. If there are eighty of you - it's a party. Okay, I'll bring out the big guns.
Rye. Williamsburg again. It has "hefty" portions. Well, it doesn't, it's a regular American bistro serving normal appetizers and mains, reviewed here. Why is it in the groups and parties section? Wait for it. Because you can split - yes split - the meatloaf sandwich. Here it is again:
You can split it. Yes you can. Among your group or party. Shit, you can feed five thousand people with it - as long as they aren't remotely hungry.
I am almost too dismayed to continue. But Time Out can actually get stupider. It's like, hey, most stupid goes up to 10, but we go up to 11. We're 1 stupider.
Big meal deals. Prix fixe dinners, it says. Pause and fix in your mind what a prix fixe dinner is - in the broadest sense imaginable. Now let Time Out adjust the vertical hold. Bottomless mussels at Flex Mussels? Not really a prix fixe dinner, is it? Maybe it is. Let is pass. Okay, how about a bento box at Kyotofu.
Dumb, right? No. That's not dumb. This is dumb.
Fort Defiance's Monday night burger and beer. $12. A burger (Pat LaFrieda, out of the pack). A beer.
THAT IS NOT A PRIX FIXE DINNER. IT IS NOT EVEN A BIG MEAL.
IT IS A BURGER. AND A BEER.
Over and out.
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